ShopDreamUp AI ArtDreamUp
Deviation Actions
Literature Text
You were the boy
with the storm clouds in his eyes.
You were the light
at the end of the darkest tunnel.
And the sea, it isn't far off,
and soon, real soon, we'll feel the wind through our hair,
listen to the waves, crashing down and down and down.
Whispering what I'm singing: I.
You were the moon
with the inky shadow on its back.
You were the ocean
ever changing, ever swaying blue.
And the sky, it isn't too spacious,
just the dome of a planetarium holding in all our thoughts,
listen to the stars, smiling down on us warmly,
Singing what I'm feeling: Love.
You were the bird
with its tough-as-nails singing voice.
You were the song
that I felt in my every shaking bone.
And the wind, it isn't my breath,
it's the goosebumps I get when I'm here with you,
listen to the breeze, carrying the leaves,
Feeling what I'm seeing: You.
with the storm clouds in his eyes.
You were the light
at the end of the darkest tunnel.
And the sea, it isn't far off,
and soon, real soon, we'll feel the wind through our hair,
listen to the waves, crashing down and down and down.
Whispering what I'm singing: I.
You were the moon
with the inky shadow on its back.
You were the ocean
ever changing, ever swaying blue.
And the sky, it isn't too spacious,
just the dome of a planetarium holding in all our thoughts,
listen to the stars, smiling down on us warmly,
Singing what I'm feeling: Love.
You were the bird
with its tough-as-nails singing voice.
You were the song
that I felt in my every shaking bone.
And the wind, it isn't my breath,
it's the goosebumps I get when I'm here with you,
listen to the breeze, carrying the leaves,
Feeling what I'm seeing: You.
Suggested Collections
[067] is Playing the Melody
Infatuation: a tricky lady. I just wrote something totally random!! And used a cliche! Go me!
;O
Infatuation: a tricky lady. I just wrote something totally random!! And used a cliche! Go me!
;O
© 2008 - 2024 silver-raindrops
Comments4
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
I like it alot~ It's very pretty.
I really like the rotation of the whispering and singing and such. And of course, the imagery is freakin' win. I really really like the last six lines.
But holding with the rotation thing, I can help but notice that the last line of the third stanza mentions the sky, and the first line of the fourth stanza also does, but that construction isn't used in the other pairs.
Also, the line "Whispering what I'm singing: I." seems off somehow. It may have been purposeful, and it does sound kind of cool, but the word "I" is really weird there. "Me" might be less confusing.
And on the third stanza, the last line doesn't continue the thought as it does in the first and fifth stanzas.
It's kind of picky of me, but I think that the line, "just a dome of the planetarium..." might flow more with the rest of the poem as "just the dome of a planetarium..." ..It sounds like there are multiple domes of some very specific planetarium as it is.
Anyhow, good job, sorry for the length? Although I do hope I helped.
I really like the rotation of the whispering and singing and such. And of course, the imagery is freakin' win. I really really like the last six lines.
But holding with the rotation thing, I can help but notice that the last line of the third stanza mentions the sky, and the first line of the fourth stanza also does, but that construction isn't used in the other pairs.
Also, the line "Whispering what I'm singing: I." seems off somehow. It may have been purposeful, and it does sound kind of cool, but the word "I" is really weird there. "Me" might be less confusing.
And on the third stanza, the last line doesn't continue the thought as it does in the first and fifth stanzas.
It's kind of picky of me, but I think that the line, "just a dome of the planetarium..." might flow more with the rest of the poem as "just the dome of a planetarium..." ..It sounds like there are multiple domes of some very specific planetarium as it is.
Anyhow, good job, sorry for the length? Although I do hope I helped.